Is there anything more boring than hearing people’s pain management stories? I have to say, my faux retirement has much to commend it, including sleeping late, napping, having cocktails whenever the hell I want, finally starting to run again on a regular basis, but my body says ‘oh no you didn’t, bitch’ and smacked me down with this stupid neuromuscular disorder that I will now describe in as few words as possible. Buttock spasms. Back pain. 90-year-old-crone hobbling. Vanity knows no bounds, however, so I winced behind the wheel for a 90 minute drive to keep my hair appointment, where I chickened out of dying my hair completely blue and settled for a few blue streaks, mixed by master chemical sister Stacie. Also, their house masseuse pounded and kneaded me for half an hour which helped immensely. Okay, so what was I saying? A bearded man with long hair just appeared in the bedroom and handed me a mimosa. I am so nearsighted that I thought it was Jesus, but put on my glasses and realized it was my husband. Cheers, ya’ll! Happy Sunday!