Clyde Misplaces His Dildo

2013-05-11 08.47.52Of all the flotsam that washes up on our beach — discarded flip flops, underwear, coconuts, jellyfish, various bivalves —  nothing gives our bulldog Clyde so much pleasure as a green rubber chew stick that I purchased for him at the Pet Supermarket.  Clyde has insanely strong jaws.  Breaking through a clam shell is nothing, but this stick proves incredibly durable.  Neon green, it almost glows from the dock or sand.  The first time my husband saw this 8 inch object up close, with its knobs and bulges, he said,  “Notice I’m not saying how much that thing looks like a dildo.”  Of course, ever since then we can’t refer to it as anything but a dildo, and we delight in calling out from the upper deck,  “Look, honey, Clyde is frolicking with his dildo!”

We yell, “Put down your dildo, Clyde, and come get your supper!”

Other than chewing it, Clyde’s favorite game to play with his toy is to lose it.  He deliberately leaves it under a bush, beneath the dock, wedged between some seaweed and a rock.  He forgets about it for days, then somebody rediscovers it and waves it around.  “Look, Clyde, I found your dildo!”  He nearly tears  your arm off in his happiness and eagerness to reunite with his beloved object.  Then he spends several hours in grunting, slobbering, and chomping oral fixation.

I’m pretty sure Clyde loses and regains his toy on purpose, in a perpetual loop of delayed gratification.  Who doesn’t save something for later, shoving a special Sharpie marker to the back of the drawer, some candy to the back of a drawer, or a beer to the back of the fridge, knowing that one day you’ll rediscover this small pocket of rapture?

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Clyde Misplaces His Dildo

  1. Ellen

    I hope that Clyde forever loses and then rediscovers his green dildo. What a sweet boy!

  2. Why is there no follow button on your blog?

    • Hey, glad you like the blog! It just started as a lark for a group of friends, and I truly don’t know why there isn’t a follow button. Maybe because I’m using the cheapest (ie, free) version of WordPress …? Anyway, I’ll investigate and try to add one. One of my friends just pastes the link into her bookmark browser. Have a happy Memorial Day Weekend.

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